There is no day 21
There is only time. Time. Without her.
Paul, my friend and I are eating at Plan B. it is noisy, New Yorky.
I feel pre Day1 Carol was not a part of our madcap adventures. I am in my skin.
I tell him what Heather the astrologer told me : Carol and I have been together in many lives and had been torn apart. Torn from each other. Or did she say ripped from? It was possible that would happen in this life
Paul tells me about the ethereal bodies that entertwine and become as one.
He looks with his serious blue eyes directly into me
That is the ripping. It heals. She died. She was ripped from you.
I think oh fuck how much time in this endless day 21?
I dream she is ignoring me and I can’t find her.
But I awake thinking I am repairing the tears. Both of them
Thank you all who think 20 days is a good idea
The structure of the book will be like this
And I will write the emergency department visit and inter disperse your stories that resonate with that day
Just post on blog or e,
Mail to me
I wish to write a book or essay or short story about carol called 20 days. This refers to December 7 2012 when we got her priliminary diagnosis in the Ed
To the 27 th when she died.
I am asking for your carol stories
What you experienced during those 20 days
As well as how you knew her before that day 7 December
The children in our family miss her so awfully ( as we all do)
And even as painful as the last 20 days of her life were, her story is my tribute of remembrance.
Here is my first story
Many years ago we were watching a documentary about the stonewall rebellion.
When the credits came up, she was full of regret as she knew many of the people who had worked on the film.
She said something like, I ruined my career with crack. I could have made a big impact somehow
In journalism or as a press secretary, like I had a promising career.
Of course, she lived long enough to see what an impact she made nationally in her striving to end homelessness.
It is an act of grace in your life to overcome such a regret.
Thank you for your helping with this
Sent from my iPad
Additional details for open house at CCEH. It is Friday Jan 4 from 2 to 5. There will be traffic control, as Lawrence Street is a skinny one way street and hopefully adequate parking at the Lyceum, a building two doors up.
CCEH is providing beverages (this is a no alcohol event) paper goods etc and some appetizers and sweets. We ask, if you please, to bring an appetizer or something sweet and take it with you as you leave.
This is a time to connect with friends, listen to music and celebrate the new space Carol made happen for CCEH. Her office will have a book (from our wedding) to leave a message.
In lieu of flowers, donations to the Connecticut Coilition To End Homelessness will be gratefully accepted. Our nephew, Michael Roalf (age 7) has made the first donation, all of the quarters from his piggy bank.
I intend to keep the blog open as well as the Facebook page until it no longer feels right.
I am doing ok. Feelings are appropriate to the loss of my bershet which in Hebrew means soul mate, meant to be. We both hated “wife” something weird about that for two women.
I am grateful that my faith is real. I have been tested in the past, but not like this. So in terms of faith and hope, I believe that God, or a Higher Power is what gets us through the human shit.
I am consciously practising gratitude because small glimmers of acceptance come through.
Privately I scream and cry, etc. It is cathartic.
I was worried about Carol being at peace. When my mother, Rita Walsh, was dying, she told me and my sisters to look for cardinals as she would be one of them. There are countless incidents where the four of us have seen a cardinal at crucial moments in our lives.
The night before last, I dreamt that Carol was flying with a flock of them. They circled around my head, then took off.
She is at peace, I now believe.
More later on the Extravaganza.
There will be 2 memorials for Carol.
There will be a large “extravaganza” (Carol’s words) to celebrate her life. We are working on the details of this and hope to have plans to announce in the near future.
The event at the CCEH is being hosted by those that Carol worked with and is at her office. While all are encouraged to attend, it would be helpful if you could RSVP to firstname.lastname@example.org for planning purposes.
I believe Carol is at peace. If you did not hear it Please go to WNPR, a lovely thing by Lucy Malpathancho.
The open house at her building is Jan 4 from 2 to 5 as has been posted. Please RSVP to email@example.com. A food/numbers thing.
If you have a guitar or soft music, I envision playing, especially in the stairwells which are huge. Not sure about parking but the Lyceum is a few doors up with a lot.
Again no flowers (she swore she was allergic to fresh flowers…just donations to cceh).
She fought so hard to not die so soon. In your prayers, well I have been telling her that I am so proud of the way she fought and whatever possible to do to help her accept this I will do.
I keep candles going, let her know we will all work this out .
I think it will never be clear of why this happened, but in time we will all have some peace around the fact that it did.